A Time Between
by Lammybug
Summary: An interlude between two people who feel much more than they let others see.
1. The Start

**Disclaimer: **No copyright infringement intended. For entertainment purposes only.

**Summary:** An interlude between two people who feel much more than they let others see.

**Author's Note: **While there is a long and somewhat inflated debate on how to properly spell Heichou's name, I prefer to use "Rivaille" as it was the first romanized spelling that I read. Some compromise with, "Rivai", as that's how the cast pronounces his name (only Erwin says, "Levi" in the manga and in the anime if you listen carefully) but I'm sticking with Rivaille since if you said it the way the French would, it would sound like Rivai anyway (double L is silent). So, if I do continue this storyline, that is how it will be spelled.

This little snippet would be where the anime ends and the new arc begins. That's where I see it could have happened anyway.

_**A Time Between**_

As she stands there, it strikes her not for the first time, that for such a small man he struck an imposing figure. He might have been small in stature but his immense strength of bearing and resolve, mixed with extraordinary skill made him the most dangerous man she has ever met. While she had never had any difficulty taking on and beating down men more than half her size and has never had a loss of nerves when facing Titans, she would think twice before facing off with him. She has never doubted her abilities in herself. Yet with him... with him, she knows she has met someone that she should be wary of.

Even when she had hated him (and she had _really_ hated him), she had to admit to a certain trepidation at the prospect of engaging him in a fight. She hadn't noticed this at first, having been too blinded by rage at his treatment of Eren to see anything else but red. Now, she sees a lot more and can begrudgingly understand why Eren admires him so much. He was stronger; stronger than her and he had experience and wisdom that none of them had. One need only see the look in his eyes. Those eyes of his. Those eyes that scared her the most because they always saw everything while they held yours unflinchingly and without remorse. She's not sure how he can do that but he does. He does and often. Especially when its regarding those he doesn't know, like her and the other recruits. It might have been easier to stand were there judgment in them but there wasn't any. It was deliberate and it was assessing and it gave absolutely nothing of his own thoughts away.

She doesn't think she'll ever forget how uncomfortable he made her when recognition lit those grey eyes of his while they were in mid-flight in pursuit of the Female Titan. Even though she had hated him then, that penetrating gaze made her want to squirm. His utter confidence in himself to be take a moment and stare at her while flying backwards amongst a forest of trees would make anyone feel a moment of uncertainty, right?

Which makes her all the more glad that those eyes are faced away from hers right now and his face is only in profile. Finding herself alone with him in battle was one thing, but alone with him when there would be nothing to take his focus away from her (when he finally noticed her anyway) was another.

"Are you just going to stand there staring at me or are you going to spit out what you have to say?" he asks in his usual dry tone of voice right before those intimidating grey eyes are aimed in her direction.

The utter directness of his stare makes her almost give in to her habit of tugging up her scarf.

Even knowing that he's injured gives her no upper hand with him, but there is nothing for it. She's here and as he hasn't dismissed her, so she takes his words as his own invitation to approach him. More hesitantly than she likes, she walks closer to where he sits. He's sitting almost regally in a chair even though she knows he has been ordered to stay in bed. A bed that lies empty beside where he sits in his chair like its his own silent rebellion for being grounded by the doctors. Maybe it's to stall or that her mind can't properly give voice to her thoughts, but she also gives herself time to wonder how, even when he was not in uniform and dressed as casually as she has ever seen him, that he can still be so intimidating just sitting there.

"Well?" he asks, when she fails to speak.

Her eyes move to stare pointedly in the direction of his injury when she finally manages to find her voice.

"You attained your injury because I disobeyed your direct orders...,"

"And you're sorry," he finishes for her, again in his usual dry tone. He lets out a sigh and turns away dismissively, giving her his profile again. "Nothing ever goes as you plan in battle and orders go out the window when it all comes to it."

"I don't make those kinds of mistakes," she rushes out, taking a step closer to him. "You could have been killed. I could have been killed. Eren would have been killed but you saved us. Now you're going to be out this next mission because of me. You're humanity's best soldier and we need you more..."

"I really hate when people say that," he interrupts her gruffly.

Having witnessed just how stern his resolve to keep his composure in the face of immense pressure, it surprises her to see him look so openly uncomfortable now.

"But you are," she states bluntly and those sharp eyes fly to hers. She manages to hold his stare this time, since there was nothing disingenuous about her statement. Unlike many, she had no problem conceding him to this title. She's seen him in action against a worthy foe so she can do this with absolute certainty.

For the first time, it's him who turns his gaze away from a stare down and on a heavy sigh, he says, "Is that all?"

"No," she says, coming just a little bit closer. Seeing his discomfort just now strangely puts her more at ease in his presence. "I want you to know that I know what you did out there."

Those grey eyes return to hers a little more slowly this time and she feels that familiar uneasiness of being his sole attention again, but she will not twitch now. Not when this was already not an easy thing for her to say. Especially, not to _him. _He doesn't ask her what she means and she doesn't wait for him to either.

"You knew that Annie as the Female Titan would focus all her efforts into taking you out so you ordered me into a position where I would be safe."

"Why would I do that?" he asks flippantly but she can see his try at deflection.

"Because of the way you looked at me when you realized I was Eren's friend."

"Are you mad about that too?" he asks, tilting his head as if to regard her from a different angle.

"No," she replies with a shake of her head. "I know you were protecting me for Eren's sake. I can't be mad about that."

"I can die happy now," he tosses out sarcastically.

His sarcasm doesn't phase her because she knows it for what it really is. She knows that even though he says words that are cold, his feelings are anything but.

"You can keep pretending but I see through it and I don't think I'm the only one. No one else may say anything to your face but we all know how hard these last few days have been for you."

"It's been a hell of a last few days for everyone."

"Which doesn't undermine yours."

"So what? I'm supposed to have a heart to heart chat with you just because you have the balls to ask?"

"No," she says feeling appalled by this suggestion and she's sure it's clear on her face. "I don't want a heart to heart with you. I don't even like you."

This time, when those grey eyes meet hers she sees surprised amusement and maybe a little bit of respect which (impossibly) makes her feel even more uncomfortable. Made all the more weird when she finds she likes that just a little bit.

"Well thank goodness for that," he responds but this time he keeps his gaze on her.

"I just came to say thank you and I'm sorry. I know that this next mission has a significantly lesser chance of success since you won't be involved. Now that I've said that, I'm going." She says this with finality even though her guilt still nags at her just as strongly as before. Turning on her heels, she heads toward the door to leave him to himself.

"Eren isn't ready you know," is his strange statement to her back.

"What?" She asks, turning just enough to look at him over her shoulder.

"He's not ready to love you like you want."

"He's my family," she tries to explain.

"And everyone and their grandmother knows you don't love him like your brother."

This makes her turn to face him fully, her jaw clenched.

"I'm not saying he doesn't love you or that you should give up," he says in a placating tone. "I'm just saying that he can't focus on that and it doesn't help that you haven't said anything to him either. You're dancing around him and its making me dizzy."

A long silent moment stretches as her mind whirls from his words.

"So much happens and there's never the right time," she whispers and she can hear her own desperation in her tone.

"Life happens," he explains. "Time passes. This means opportunities are missed and chances are lost."

Something in her heart twinges at his words because she can feel the depth of his feelings in them. Words meant for himself and his own missed chances as much as they are meant for her.

"Possibilities vanish," she adds softly, meeting his gaze.

He nods. "You don't realize how much the potential meant until it's no longer possible."

She can only make a small sound of agreement because her throat is suddenly too tight.

"Just don't go and die on him," he orders.

She turns back around to leave again but not before offering him a salute of respect.

"Good night, sir."

"Good night," he replies before she is out the door and away from that all seeing stare of his.

As she walks back towards her room she replays his words and analyzes the meanings behind them. She's never thought about it but she's sure she's been pretty transparent regarding her feelings. Apparently, only to everyone but Eren. She thinks of Eren as she always does and feels all the things that he invokes in her, yet it's Heichou's words that she hears now when Eren's face appears in her mind. Then she sees another face. She sees _his _face. Sensing just how much he feels and how much he knows make her feel things that confuse, scare and overall bother her. Most prominently she feels her guilt become heavier. This is because she knows that those penetrating grey eyes and quiet demeanor will be able to do nothing but think and regret all he has lost while the rest of them must move onward and forward to the next mission, leaving him behind.


	2. Confusion

**Beginning Notes: **For name spelling see previous chapter's opening comments.

This one is somewhere in Chapter 51 of the manga.

_**Chapter Two: Confusion**_

_Oh my God! I can't believe it! I'm... beyond ecstatic about how amazing what just happened is! Eren! Oh Eren! He _does _care about me! He _saved _me! He even apologized! That was the most... the most happiest moment of my life! Oh my God! Eren! I almost can't believe it actually happened._

The pain of her injuries that this last expedition afforded her are nothing to the sheer ecstasy of being saved by the boy that she has loved for so long. She can't even think of anything else. Sure, she's tired and exhausted and her entire body felt like one bit throbbing mass of pain but she can't think of anything else. Not when she has such hope. Such sweet hope. The wonderful blessed hope made it all sweeter. That he had done it for _her._ He displayed such power for her. He vowed to keep wrapping scarves around her neck too and wouldn't let her die. It has completely erased all the heartbreak and neglect she's felt ever since Annie. So what if it did hurt to breath and that her body aches almost unbearably and she can probably sleep for a week. She can't focus on anything but Eren's concern. She thinks she can die happy now. She has Eren back!

The only thing that brings her a little down is that Eren isn't with her now, but she understands. He's probably getting debrief with Armin about what happened with Reiner, Bertholdt, Ymir and Krista. She can handle that. She can be patient. The doctor has been hovering over here for awhile now, wrapping her up in bandages with the help of a nurse anyway. The nurse who is giving her curious looks but she can't be bothered by that either. She's too happy and content to care that she might look a little bit nuts. She just can't wait for them to be done and leave her be so she can relive that unforgettable moment when she had been willing to give her life and die beside Eren. It hadn't been a question that she would always do whatever she could to make sure she went first though. She's always been willing to die for Eren. She's always tried to be there to protect him no matter the cost to herself.

There are tears in her eyes from both happiness and pain when the doctor and his nurse finally leave her in peace but the smile does not leave her face. She doesn't think she can stop from beaming after what just happened. How could she? She's waited so long...

"What the _hell _were you thinking?" a husky, deep and angry voice demands from the doorway.

She's so completely stunned by his appearance that the smile slips from her face, especially when she sees the anger in both his face and in his stance. The smile is replaced with a gawk when he pushes away from the door and stalks toward the side of the bed she's lying in.

"Rivaille Heichou?" she says almost stupidly. Then gaps anew at him as he glares down at her with all that intense focus that only he can have. Only it's a little bit more this time. Though, the effect on her is just as it always is. It throws her off balance. Especially since she's forced to lie down and he stands above her so intimidatingly. She admits that she does feel a bit stupid and he hasn't even told her what he's talking about.

"Did you not hear my order that you not go and get yourself killed?" he demands, continuing his glare down at her. Those grey eyes are so intently focused on her face and he's close enough that she can see more than she normally can. So she's completely unprepared for the worry that his anger really hides. Then that uncomfortable feeling whenever she's around him swells up again and she's more than a little off balance.

"We... were out of options," she finds herself stammering to explain in order to appease that anger and she's sure it makes her sound even more stupid. "We were all surrounded by titans and the one that was going to eat Eren and I..."

"So you were thinking you'd confess your feelings at long last and then get munched on together in glorious fashion?" he bites out sarcastically.

Worded like that, it sounded completely ridiculous and she finds herself starting to get angry right back at him.

"And how would Eren have felt hearing that from you and then seeing you get eaten in the same way and by the same damn titan as his mother?"

Her rising anger immediately deflates. She hadn't thought of that. Not really. Not at all.

"You weren't there," she rushes out. "You couldn't have..." She stops at the flicker of regret that flashes across his face at the reminder. That had not been what she meant but he doesn't give her time to correct her very poor choice of words.

"No, I wasn't there and I leave you to do _one_ thing and you nearly blew it."

"There wasn't time to think of another option," she cries and then has to wince at the sharp pain that it causes in her ribs.

"So giving up was your only option?" he demands, leaning in closer so that all she can see are how deeply grey his eyes are. "I want you to hear this and I want you to hear it well. You. Do. Not. Give. Up. Do you hear me? You fight until the last breath has left your body. I don't care if a titan's already shoved you into its mouth. You claw your way out of its _damned_ throat if you have to, do you understand me soldier?"

"For Eren?" she blurts out.

He manages not to scoff but the look of exasperation is enough to tell her, her question is also a stupid one.

"Do you even realize how many people died in this last expedition?" he asks, finally leaning back a little bit. Not that it helps when her breaths can only come in short pants, which isn't helping her pain. "Do you think we like seeing the death roll rise? Don't you think that should make you want to fight harder to stay alive?"

She can only find it in her to nod since her throat refuses to work in the face of all she sees in his. He's right. So many were dying and for what? Even Eren had told her to fight. To always fight and she realizes just how much Heichou is the same way. He fights and he fights and he doesn't give up. No death is meaningless and her callously trying to throw her life away in a romantic gesture was unacceptable. The world may be cruel, but there were beautiful things within it that were worth the struggle to live.

"Cracked ribs and some superficial scratches all you got?" he asks, breaking into her thoughts.

"Yes, sir," she replies solemnly.

"You gonna make a quick recovery?" he asks in a way that it does not sound like he's asking.

"Yes, sir," she repeats.

"Next time _think_," he orders. "Instead of getting any ideas. There are those of us that..."

"Rivaille Heichou!" exclaims a beloved voice from the door way in surprise, cutting off what he was about to say.

Normally her eyes would fly to see Eren's face immediately, but they haven't been released by Heichou's. Not when they are currently pinning her with his stare.

It's only when he turns abruptly to walk smoothly to the door that she finds she can take a deep breath and take in Eren's open surprise at finding their Captain here with her. Those green eyes are wide and follow Heichou's approach to pass him where he stands by the door.

"How many times are you going to let yourself get kidnapped, you idiot?" Heichou asks Eren with a solid thump on the young boy's head as he passes.

Eren winces at the blow with a shamed look while Heichou turns his head to regard her over his shoulder.

"Hurry up and get better," he orders. "You're useless like that."

With that parting shot he's gone, leaving her mind in another whirlwind of confusion. There is that anger at how much he can effect her. Along with that is the confusing mix of guilt and certain eagerness that she can't understand. She can't even enjoy the fact that Eren's finally come to see if she's okay and that angers her more.

"Mikasa, are you okay?"

Eren's right to ask her that, but it's a question she can no longer answer. How can she even answer that now? After having just had that conversation with Heichou? When all she can think is that she's going to get better starting right _now_.


End file.
